Month: May 2021

I’ve been thinking

Posted on by Amber Marie in Blood Song, Midnight Shadows, No Ordinary Love, Writing

If you’re on my personal facebook, or even follow the Amber Marie Writes facebook, you may have seen this already, but I felt it worth repeating here. I had a bit of a rough year last year, as did everyone. It hasn’t gotten much better this year but I’m pushing through and I’m determined to make something good this year. This post kind of came to me after I saw a graphic in my memories and I thought it was important enough to share here with maybe a little more detail than I’d put on my facebook. Some of it is a little difficult to talk about but the overall idea is about making art out of the difficult stuff that happens.

As most of you know, if you’ve paid any attention at all over the last year, I lost my Dad March 13th of last year. What only my brother knows, is that the night before Dad died, Damien and I were at the hospital until two in the morning. We were emotional and trying to distract ourselves. I had been gearing up for Camp NaNo which happens every year in April. I had written out an outline that I had spent the last couple of months creating from a random thought into an actual story. It wasn’t easy but dealing with everything those last couple of months with Dad gave us, it gave me something else to focus on while working nights. So, my brother and I sat there, three foot from my dad, talking about this outline, talking about my ideas, to distract us from what was happening in the bed right next to us. Dad died the next afternoon. And despite everything that happened in the years leading up to that moment, and no matter how many time we told ourselves we were, we weren’t ready. I wasn’t ready.

Then the world shut down in almost the same breath as we lost Dad. We were trapped at home. People were scared. I was grieving. Hard. I had no idea what to do and my brain desperately was searching for something to do. So a couple of weeks later, when April started, I did what I had planned to do. I did Camp Nano. I set goals, and I smashed them. Quickly.

It had been a very long time since I had finished anything besides a short story. I’d get almost to the end of something and then I just couldn’t finish it. It was frustrating. I started to feel like that with this but I pushed on. I made myself write every second I wasn’t working, or helping the kids with school, or cleaning the house. I did my best. I distracted myself to escape the pain. And this amazing thing happened. On April 25th, 2020, I finished Hold On. Sure, it was just a first draft. Sure, it wasn’t anything spectacular. It was just a piece of fanfiction that I may or may not publish anywhere. It was for me. I wrote my emotions out. I took that grief and turned it into something beautiful.

My goals, as you can see, were simple, 10k words minimum. That was my goal. just something on paper. Anything. Create Art, which I created a lot of art. I really did. And to finish it. Which I did. 25 days and I finished it. Ending with 18 chapters and a total of roughly 63, 457 words. I have never won a full NaNoWriMo before since I started competing in 2013. And the goal there is only 50k in 30 days. I wrote 63k in 25 days. It was huge.

That feeling allowed me to keep going. It allowed me to keep writing and to write everyday. When it’s not a NaNo month (April and November are when I participate), the timeline I give myself is somewhat more relaxed. And by the time October of last year rolled around, I had finished 3 stories, one was primed to go to my editor, and I was working on three more, as the ideas struck. I was making art, so much art, I had perfected my writing process. I was doing so well and I knew, without a doubt that I was going to kick NaNo’s ass in November. If I could do it in April, I could do it in November.

Then my Mom died. And it was, ugh. I shut down. Immediately. It was like my brain had a moment where it went “We’ve already done this, we are NOT doing this again!” I tried to do what I’d done earlier in the year, but I’d stare at the screen and couldn’t make the words come. I just couldn’t. They were gone. The words, the ideas, they were still there, I could feel them but they were silent. For once in my writing life, the voices that guide me were silent. And it was deafening.

I didn’t do NaNo last year. I barely made it through November. Dad’s funeral, finally, then Mom’s the next day. It was, a lot. Then the kids started acting out. Jay almost missed Thanksgiving. Emily hated her 16th birthday, even though I tried. Emily has been acting out since. Sneaking out, and taking off for weeks at a time. This has been constant since November. It hasn’t made the words come, if anything they feel farther away.

I’ve started editing again, because despite everything, life goes on. As much as I’d love to sit and never have to process the things I put off at the end of last year so that I wouldn’t have to deal with it, life doesn’t work that way. So, while I still can barely write, I’ve been editing. I’ve been plotting. I will make it through whatever I have to, and not lose my identity as a writer. I have to, because who am I if I’m not?

My 2k20 Camp NaNo Goals graphic was in my memories recently, and I saw it before I’d even had my first cup of coffee and when I saw it, I immediately remembered that sense of pride I felt when I was done. I felt my chest swelling with it again. I felt my shoulders squaring and my head lifting just a bit. It may be just a simple fanfiction that got me through a large portion of my grief. 63k words that I wasn’t sure I’d ever show to anyone. But I’m so glad that I did. It was officially published on August 31st of last year. Since then I’ve gotten 22 comments telling me what a great story it is. 22 comments telling me I was good at this. 22 comments that helped me get through the hardest year of my life, so far. As of yesterday, I’m up to 107 kudos, which if you read anything on AO3, you know that isn’t that great, but it’s not bad either. And the newest Kudos was just yesterday, according to my email.

I created something that will last. I created something. I took my grief and shaped it into a stepping stone for my goals. This stone may be a bit harder and I’m still working on it. I may be juggling more than one stone right now, but that’s all they are. Stepping stones to my dreams. Stepping stones to my goals. Each painted a different color of memory. I can take this, and I can use it. Art is emotion after all.

If you read all of this, thank you. It’s really just to remind myself that even when it hurts, even when it feels like you’re going to break, you never know what’s going to happen next and that next thing, may be everything you ever needed.

Character Profile – Mason Runyon

Posted on by Amber Marie in Uncategorized

It’s Monday! As you may have noticed, Character Profiles have moved to Monday’s and Settings will now be on Friday. I don’t have a good reason for the switch other than I was almost done with my schedule for the month before I noticed I had done it. Oh well, we shall adjust accordingly.

This lovely Monday, we are going to talk about Mason Runyon. He’s the main male character in No Ordinary Love. I’m not gonna lie, he was barely more than two dimensional when I went back and read the first draft of No Ordinary Love, and that made me really sad. So I’ve been thinking a lot about him as a character. I knew who he was, but it didn’t come through in the writing so well. I’m still in the process of editing the first draft and working on the second draft, but I’m already much happier with Mason’s character development. So, without further ado, let’s get to talking about the man of the hour shall we?

Mason James Runyon is the only child of Levi and Sarah Runyon and grew up in Florida. His parents still live in his childhood home and have a happy family life. They didn’t have much money when he was coming up, but he’s more than made up for it. He enjoys being able to take care of his parents and some of his extended family.

He joined Between Sundays when he was sixteen, and has been working hard ever since. He plays piano and guitar and occasionally dabbles in songwriting thought he doesn’t believe he’s that good at it. If he ever quit the music industry, he isn’t sure what he would do with his life, but knows he’d have plenty of time to figure it out.

Eventually he’d love to get married and settle down, have a family, but he’s only 25 and isn’t really ready for that. He’s currently still in his party phase and maybe enjoys that just a bit too much. His current girlfriend of just over a year, Natalia “Lia” Patterson, and he are on the same wavelength as far as where they are in life. It isn’t until Mason starts to make some changes that they start having issues.

His best friend, Parker Anderson, is also in the band. At 24, he’s the closest in age to Mason himself and they developed a close bond quite quickly. While on the road, and at home, the two love to get together and play video games or go out and do things that they may have missed out on in high school, like putt putt golf. They’re known to be a little wild when they get together, but no one knows Mason like Parker does. Except for maybe Mason’s other best friend Ember.

Ember Kelley and Mason were classmates starting in kindergarten. They were thick as thieves growing up and ended up sharing their first kiss in the treehouse in Mason’s backyard a couple of weeks before Ember and her family moved away. They were barely thirteen at the time. Once Between Sunday’s started getting some local attention, Ember found her way back to Mason, paying to get into a meet and greet just on the off chance he’d remember her. She didn’t have much expectation when she saw him, but Mason remembered her very quickly. It didn’t take long for the two of them to return to the closeness of their former childhood friendship.

Although in the three years since they’ve been reunited the two haven’t dated or said anything about wanting to, the people closest to them wouldn’t be surprised if that eventually happened. Mason and Ember are quick to deny any feelings between them other than their close friendship, but no one else is disillusioned to their blind spot for one another. There aren’t many people that Mason would drop everything for, and Ember is one of them, and she is the same way about him.

Things kind of come to a head between Mason and Ember after she starts dating someone new. Mason, after some big lifestyle changes of his own, becomes a bit more self-aware of his actual feelings for Ember. He can finally see what everyone else has been talking about. Ember, however, remains oblivious. This leads to quite a bit of conflict for these two characters.

About a hundred bad decisions later, Mason is convinced he’s lost his best friend forever. He struggles with how to make things right and move on from there. He hopes that Ember will forgive him, and at the very least they can get their friendship back, even if it isn’t the same as it was before. He hopes that she might feel the same way for him that he does for her, but he isn’t confident enough in that thought to allow that hope to grow too much. He really just wants his best friend back so they can lounge on the couch and eat junk food while they watch a movie or play a game together.

I’m hoping with the new found information about Mason, or at least a better awareness of the lack of him that I put into the story, that the story will only be better this draft. I’m excited for it. Thanks for checking it out! Have a great day guys!

Leftovers

Posted on by Amber Marie in Port Shadeau, Short Story Saturday, Writing

I know that it’s been a while since I’ve been here, but there have been a lot of things going on personally the last few months. But here I am, back at it and hopefully there won’t be too many more interruptions.

So we are going to kick off May with a lovely new Short Story Saturday. I’m going to pick up where we left off with Ailee Creed and her time in Port Shadeau. So, enjoy!

    Ailee set down the boxes she’d been carrying and wiped her forearm over her brow.  A quick glance at the clock as she opened the top box told her she wasn’t too far from the end of her shift.  With a smile she went back to unloading the boxes and putting the products on the shelf.  When she was finally done, she checked in with her Assistant manager who was working the evening shift, said goodbye to employees still on the clock, and then clocked out.  

    She made her way downstairs toward where Marlowe was also finishing her shift.  Ailee waited, leaned against the end of the counter flipping through a magazine while she finished doing what she was doing.  Once Marlowe was done they walked to the back to grab Marlowe’s coat and went out into the city to find something for dinner.  

    The next couple of days went the same way, and Ailee was happy to finally have a friend. It made her new life in Port Shadeau a little more bearable.  After work on Friday, Marlowe and Ailee met up at Marlowe’s for a couple of drinks and to make dinner.  Marlowe’s husband Wilder was at work for the weekend and so Marlowe had the apartment to herself.  They sat around at the counter and discussed the options for dinner.  

    “I have a lot of easy stuff because I’m not a big fan of cooking.” Marlowe explained standing in front of her fridge and trying to find something to make for them. “It’s such a difference cooking for me as opposed to cooking when Wilder is home.” 

    “Just because you make easy food doesn’t mean it has to taste easy.” Ailee said setting her beer on the counter and sliding off of the stool.  She moved to stand beside Marlowe.  

    “I don’t know how.” Marlowe said, shaking her head.  Ailee just grinned. 

    “I can teach you.  Let me see what you’ve got in here.” Ailee spent a couple of minutes looking through Marlowe’s fridge and cupboards.  She amassed a small collection of things on the counter and then looked at Marlowe.  “Okay.  Let me grab a couple of seasonings from my place that you don’t have, and I’m going to teach you to make something really delicious that isn’t complicated at all.” She said with a grin.  

    After she grabbed the few things from her apartment that she needed, she got to work in the kitchen teaching Marlowe how to make Chicken Penne.  They spent the time laughing and talking and Ailee was happy to really feel like she had a new friend here.  When the food was done, Marlowe was impressed about how easy it was to cook and it smelled amazing.  They sat down and shared a good meal with a lot of laughs and had a great evening.  When dinner was done, they worked together to clean the kitchen and pack up the leftovers.  

    “So, I’m gonna take these home with me since I don’t have to work tomorrow.” Ailee told her with a grin picking up the container off the counter.  

    “Oh no, those are staying here. I have to show Wilder I can actually cook.” Marlowe told her with a grin as she attempted to swipe at the container in Ailee’s hand.  

The girls devolved into a silly play fight over the leftovers before Ailee let Marlowe take them with a proud smile. She went home feeling happy that she had taught her friend the benefits of good food. Marlowe waited no time in taking the leftovers down to the fire house to share with Wilder. It took only one bite before he had shared with a couple of friends, offering a bite or two a piece. He was proud of his wife. When Marlowe got home, she had texted Ailee and asked her to do weekly cooking lessons, and Ailee was happy to agree. It was something wonderful and she was happy to be settling into her new life in Port Shadeau and settled into bed that night with a smile on her face.